Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dear god my vagina.
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