I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
