i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
