someone threw a dead crab at me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
