He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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