I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
