I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
