she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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