If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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