yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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