): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
