Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
