how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize