What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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