but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You may now shotgun with the bride
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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