where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
