btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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