its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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