my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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