We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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