Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
