I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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