i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
