We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
