This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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