Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
