The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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