I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
