Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize