No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
