So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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