I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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