i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
