We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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