The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
