North Korea, Best Korea!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
