one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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