I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
