Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
