you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize