i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
