I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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