If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
