I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize