is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
