The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
