you guys were way drunker than both of me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
