mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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