Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
