Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
