why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
