Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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