Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
