i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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