Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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