apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
