I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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