so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
