I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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