he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
