when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
