my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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