you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
