I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
