What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Success! We fucked roommates!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
