I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
