Can i not drive my cunt home
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
