My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
