ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
