just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
