were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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