he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
50% drunk capacity currently
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
