fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
