I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
