nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
