we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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