i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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