last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
