So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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