All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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