So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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