I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
