I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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