i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
