Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He did a backflip because drugs
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
