she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
