I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
