I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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