dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
