Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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