He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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