This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love having hate sex.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
