Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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