Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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