I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
