I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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