did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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