I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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