I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
