there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
