suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
