Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
