I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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