Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
