yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
