im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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